New Project - Noble Breads (Pizza)

Long time reader, I have only posted a few times.

I am using this below in an email for marketing to start a project. Please take a look at it, and let me know if I need to include more information, if something is not clear. I am trying to fund a project in less then 30 days. Can it be done!?

I am starting a new project and I am trying to enlist my friends to spread the word and help out. I have spent countless hours working on a concept and it has finally been accepted by Kickstarter! Kickstarter is a funding platform for creative projects. The project I am proposing is a community supported micro bakery using old world techniques, local ingredients, and a woodfired stone hearth called Noble Bread.

Here is your role:

  1. Check out my Kickstarter at http://kck.st/LNixK5, there is a movie on there, pictures, and a full discription of the project.
  2. Start a Kickstarter account. All you have to do is enter your email and create a password. Easy, right?
  3. Sign into Amazon. If you already have an account you’re good to go!
  4. If you can pledge $1 or more (your card will only get charged if we reach $20,000 by August 2, 2012) Check out the rewards on the right side of the page on Kickstarter.

Please share this project with everyone you know.

Check out our Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/NobleBread for updates and “like” us.

If you have any questions, please ask!

Thank you!

Unfortunately I am not at a place where I can watch the video, so assuming that all the video contains is information about the project, it will have no effect on my feedback. Also let me preface by saying I do not know if this is somehow included elsewhere but if it is I would definitely try to make it more immediately visible.

The first thing I would want to see, if I am considering making an investment into something, is what is the person who is trying to procure the funds doing. From the looks of the email you are asking me to invest the money need to “kickstart” something in which I do not clearly know if you have anything on the line. That in itself makes me concerned. As I stated I am not sure if it is stated somewhere and I missed it, or of it’ll be understood by those you are contacting, but if I received that email that would be one of the things I would look for before even considering (and watching the video) the company. If you can clearly relate to me that you have a decent stake in this (it doesn’t have to be a lot, but substantial in terms of what you are expecting in donations), then I will feel that you have something to lose and are putting a lot of your own eggs into the proverbial basket, and therefore will not give up if things get tough, and will strive to do everything possible to make it successful. Whereas if you have no clearly visible investment, I will assume you are wanting my money because you are not confident enough in your idea to use your own, and that will surely shy me away no matter how good the project.

Again, this is just my opinion based on reading your letter only. But perhaps put a line in there stating that you can’t quite reach the full amount yourself and are asking for help, and that together we can be successful. Make me feel like we are going into this as one.

Just my thoughts. Hope it helps!