Business proposition letter

R

robozig

New member
I’m working on a business proposition letter and would like your feedback
I just have a text version for now.
Thanks.

The staff and management of Free Wheeler Pizza would like to cordially invite you to consider us for your next office party or business meeting.

To make the offer more tempting we would like to offer you absolutely FREE the following.

 A 14†pizza with anything you’d like. You can choose from our many delicious house specialties or house gourmet specialties, or create your own. With so many toppings, sauces and cheeses to choose from you’re sure to create a pizza that’s right for you! See enclosed menu

 A sampling of our world famous garlic rolls. Our bigger than bite sized rolls baked to a golden brown, smothered with olive oil and spices then topped off with fresh grated parmesan. They’re addicting!

There’s no obligation! Just a chance for you to experience the Pizza that’s been proudly serving the Salt Lake City area since 1977.

Here are just a few of the benefits to having Free Wheeler Pizza cater your next office event:

 Discounts on multiple pizza orders.
 Pay by cash, business check and major credit card; or set up a purchase order account so you can enjoy your pizza now and pay later.
 Plates, napkins and utensils available upon request.
 Complimentary sides of parmesan and crushed red peppers upon request.
 Pre order anytime up to 24 hours before your event.
 Use our Pizza Points reward system to earn FREE pizza!

We thank you for your consideration and hope to hear from you soon!

Sincerely
The staff and management at Free Wheeler Pizza
 
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Free Wheeler Pizza’s amazing staff invites you let us redefine your next office party or business meeting. We can give you the chance to offer your clients and employees quality food, made by an independent and local pizzeria for the same cost you would get from any of the major chains.

We are so confident that you will love what we can do for you, that we are thrilled to offer you a FREE sampling of our products before you make your decision. Contact our Corporate Events crew, and we will be glad to send out our Deal Closer:
  1. A 14†pizza made the way you like it. Choose from any of our house and gourmet specialties, or create your own with up to four gourmet toppings. Free Wheeler Pizza offers all the toppings to satisfy any cravings, we have so many toppings, sauces and cheeses to choose from that we’re sure to create a pizza that’s right for you!
  2. A sampling of our world famous garlic rolls. Our bigger than life rolls baked to a golden brown, smothered with olive oil and spices then topped off with fresh grated Parmesan. They’re addicting and a Salt Lake City favorite since 1977!
There’s no obligation, we’re confident that allowing us to offer you the experience of the quality food and service that has made Free Wheelers Pizza a Salt Lake City favorite since 1977 will keep you coming back over and over again.

Here are just a few of the benefits to having Free Wheeler Pizza cater your next office event:

 Discounts on multiple pizza orders.
 Pay by cash, business check and major credit card; or set up a purchase order account so you can enjoy your pizza now and pay later.
 Plates, napkins and utensils available upon request.
 Complimentary sides of parmesan and crushed red peppers upon request.
 Pre order anytime up to 24 hours before your event.
 Use our Pizza Points reward system to earn FREE pizza!

We look forward to the chance to serve you soon!

Sincerely
hand sign this in a blue ink*****
 
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I think there is too much selling in the 1st letter…You want to get them to try you pizza so the 1st letter should be mostly about the pizza…Once they have tried it, then you can focus more on the logistics stuff…

And once folks have tried your pizza. Send them a hand written “Thank You” card…This can be very powerful and set you apart from your competition…
 
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Thanks for your input, guys!

I implemented some of the suggestions and showed the letter to the owner. He wants to make a few revisions to make it more personal then we’ll get a few of our more personable employees to hit the street.

Appreciate the help.

Z
 
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